And the Verdict Is...

I'm sorry for making you wait longer than expected for this post, but we had a few phone calls to make before people found out any news from our blog.  By the way, I apologize in advance, this is going to be a long one! Here's what the past 2ish weeks looked like.

The wait was BRUTAL!!

We had done the transfer on the Wednesday before Father's Day and Ryan thought it would be an AWESOME Father's Day gift to find out we were pregnant.  I was hesitant because it was still really early, but with that said people do see BFP (Big Fat Positives) that early on.  Especially since we had transferred such beautiful 6 day blasts.  I couldn't decide what to do until the morning of, but I decided to test.  It came back as a BFN (Big Fat Negative). This wasn't surprising in the slightest and honestly, I had prepared myself to see that.  In other words, it didn't ruin my day, it was just a wasted test.  Those things are not cheap I might add.

We decided to wait a few more days before taking another test, though I was leaning towards not testing again at all. But come Wednesday morning... yeah right.  As if we could have waiting any longer.  So I woke up at 5am to pee and knew I was supposed to use my FMU (First Morning Urine... aren't you glad this is such an informative post and you get to learn so many TTC (Trying to Conceive) acronyms?!) Ok, so I took the test at 5 am and it was immediately negative.  I shoved the stupid little test back in it's packaging and went back to bed.  Actually, I laid in bed disappointed researching when women had gotten their BFP's on a HPT (Home Pregnancy Test).  At 7dt6dt (7 days past 6 day transfer) you'd think it would be positive.  Well, I said goodbye to Ryan as he headed to work and remained on my phone.  All the while there was this little voice in my head telling me to look at the test again.  It went something like this...
LV (Little Voice) - Just look at the test again.
Me - No! That's ridiculous!  I'm not looking at the stupid test again!
LV - Just take a quick look.
Me - I don't want to take a quick look to see a BFN again!
LV - Just look at the fricken test.
Me - I'm NOT looking at the test!!!!...
Imagine this going on for 20 minutes
....And I looked at the test...

To my surprise, there was a faint second line.  I immediately called Ryan, after I had already told him it was negative and said, "You're not going to believe this...!"  I told him about the good/bad angel convo in my head, but ultimately we had a positive.  I posted a pic of it on a forum I go to and many congratulated on a positive test, others said to be weary as a test showing up positive after 20 mins can't be trusted.  Mind you, it very easily could have been positive after 2 minutes, I just didn't give it the time.  It was suggested to test the following day just to be sure.  So I did with my last remaining test.                                                                  Here's what they looked like.

 Disregard the numbers written on the sticks.  I was confused.  The top one should be 7dt6dt and the bottom should read 8dt6dt.  You can see that it got just slightly darker on the bottom.  This time I watched the second line appear and it was there within 2-3 minutes.  It was slow, but it was there.   (Just in case you've never used one of these test, it's negative if the line on the right is the only one that appears.  But if there's a line on the left, that's the line that shows you're knocked up.  (I cut that out of the picture.  Sorry.)  By the way, Ryan and I were the only ones that knew about the tests (and maybe my friend Ebony in Australia... she was far enough away to keep it to herself.) so if you asked about tests and I had to tell you a lie, I'm sorry.  :)

Ok, so we were excited, but it still didn't feel real.  The following day I had my beta test.  A beta is a blood test that is looking for HCG (the pregnancy hormone).  It's the same thing that a urine test looks for, but a blood test can pick up much smaller traces.  So at 9dp6dt I went in and got my blood drawn by my buddy Rueben! I have a locket/glass square pendant that I've had but never put anything inside of.  After the transfer, I put pics of our embryos in it and wore it every day.  Some people noticed it (like our kids... "Oh that's cool, what is it?"  Just a cool design, I'd respond.)  When I walked in the door of the lab, Rueben immediately noticed it and asked what it was.  He thought it looked like sand or lavender.  I told him it was a picture.  As the lady input my information into the computer, he took me back to start the needle pokage.  And again, he was very intrigued by my necklace.  So he asked, "So what's it a picture of?" I started to tell him that we were going through IVF (which I had told him before) and it was a picture of our embryos. I started to get my phone out to show a better picture and at this point, the lady at the computer came running over and said, "I've got to see this!"  They were very excited to say the least and wished us all the best of luck.  Now, back to the beta... so the nurse at Dr. Uzelac's office told me that the earlier I went in the sooner they would have the results.  She said it usually takes about 4 hours to get results.  I went in at 7:45 and expected a call around noon.  I took the kids to meet Ryan for lunch at 11:45 figuring it would be perfect timing and Ry and I would be together.  Well, by the end of lunch we still hadn't gotten a call.  The kids and I went to the library then home and still nothing.  I went to take a nap in the hammock around 1:30 but my mind was racing and I couldn't sleep.  I got a few phone calls and finally got the call at 2:30.  The nurse says, "We got your lab results back and we have WONDERFUL news for you!!"  My beta number came back at 299.  Once I heard this I immediately got excited.  Yes, I had seen the HPT with second lines, but until it was confirmed by the Doctor's office it didn't seem real.  So at this point I  started to get very excited.  It was true and it was really happening.  Ryan got home about a half hour later and I was able to share the good news with him. He was all smiles.  You may be wondering about this beta test and how it all works.  Put it this way, when the nurse told me my number I asked her what it should be at.  She said, "You're going to laugh but anything over a 5 means you're pregnant." I guess 299 looks pretty good then!  Below is a chart that shows the progression of normal beta numbers.  From what I've gathered they want to see betas double every 48-72 hours.   The first number doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot, but rather how much that number goes up the next time.  You'll probably want to refer back to this chart later on in this post.

At this point I was considered exactly 4 weeks (4 weeks LMP - Last Menstrual Period) and my number was 299. 

Finally, we were able to CELEBRATE... WE'RE PREGNANT and we were SOOOOO excited! 

The trouble here is that many people knew we were getting the blood work down and they were just as anxious as we were to hear the results.  But we didn't really want to tell everyone via text, even though that's how a lot of people ended up getting the news, or before telling our families.   All the texts, calls and check ins lead to a few more lies or just a lack of a response in general.  I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE!!!  We needed time to tell our families.  I even lied to my mom and sister a few times that day.  Are you kidding, I talked to mom right after I got off the phone with the nurse and had to tell her I still hadn't heard.  Talk about stressing a pregnant girl out.  :) 

We had decided to tell the kids, partially because we were excited and that's Ryan family and he wanted to share it with them, but also because, bless my husbands heart, kids are kids and they can cause stress.  Ryan wanted them to know so that they understood that whatever stress they caused me, was also stress on the baby or babies that we didn't want to have.  So if we told them, we would have perfect angels quietly walking around the house!  HAHA!  Yeah right!  As if that will ever happen in the Bledsoe house.  We had invited my parents over for dinner and decided to get a cake made.  Given it was already 2:30pm and dinner was around 6:00 we didn't have much time.  I went to 4 different stores and was able to get this bad boy put together. I found the little bees and babies at a kids store, I had Safeway take off the gross puffs of frosting and strawberries and pineapple that looked to be a few days old.  Had them rewrite the wording 3 times and it was still hard to read.  But here's the finished product.  

It says, " Adding to Our Hive by 1 or 2 more"

While I was out getting together all the pieces necessary for the cake, my sister was texting to see if I had heard any news yet.  Again, I had to lie to her and let her know I may not hear until around 5ish.  I was able to buy myself about an hour and a half with this so I suppose that made it worth it.  She told me she was working until 11:30pm so I knew she couldn't make dinner and that her fridge was free for the cake.  Thank you very much.  Once the cake was sorted, I told Ryan that we needed to call her.  He didn't want to call because he wanted to tell her in person, as I would have preferred, but it wasn't an option, so we went and locked ourselves in the truck so that the kids couldn't hear and called her.  "YOU'RE GOING TO BE AN AUNTY!!!" We exclaimed when she answered.  She was so excited and was sad she couldn't be at dinner, as were we.

By the time Mom and Dad got to our house dinner was ready and the cake was in an ice chest on the back step.  We knew we wouldn't be able to wait through dinner so as soon as everyone sat down Ryan brought the cake in and put it on the table for them to read.  Given the writing was hard to read, all 5 of them struggled through to read the words. When they were finally able to get the words put together... Adding to Our Hive by 1 or 2... Dad and Mom looked up in shock, the kids were confused, mom started screaming, I was crying, Dad was crying, the kids asked, "So wait... you're pregnant?" And everyone gave hugs and cried some more.  Bailey had actually asked Ryan about this earlier in the day, you see, last weekend, we were having a picnic for Father's Day and my brother says, "Hey Lauren, are you P-R-E-G..." until my sister hit him.  Bailey opened her eyes with a huge smile on her face and says, "Umm hello, I can spell you know!  AHAHA  Oh my gosh... only my brother would say something like that, and potentially my Dad (stay tuned for the FB post later on...) We assured Bailey we weren't.  Ryan told her when it happens she'll know.  Well, upon reading the cake Bailey yells, "You lied to me!!!" Though she was absolutely thrilled! As were all the kids. They've talked about it all weekend in fact.

Mom then, immediately busts out this gift for me.  Obviously she hasn't been planning and clearly she's not excited!!

After all the hugs were given we sat down to eat.  After all, we were starving... or maybe it was just me?!  We had a nice dinner and talked all about beta levels and the kids asked questions.  We still haven't gone into the whole IVF thing with the kids, though we did show them the blastocysts and talked about the possibility of having twins.  After having cake and talking some more, mom and I were going to go for a walk so I went to my room to get my shoes on.  I came out to ask her if she needed shoes and my sister comes walking out of the kitchen holding roses for me, champagne for Ryan, and a balloon that says "Twins" on it.  I immediately started crying and gave her a hug.  She was able to leave work early to come celebrate with us.  That was very special.  

After our walk, my brother came over to eat left over dinner and to have cake.

And here's our little family (minus 1) after a fun evening of celebrating!!

The story isn't over yet... later that night, around 10:30pm, I got a text message from a friend in Wisconsin that says, 

"Wait a minute!!! 

WHAT did I just see on FB?! 

Did it take? Are you preggers? Twins? 

Or am I totally reading it wrong?! Ahhh!"

OH MY GOSH!!!  I knew that I had put NOTHING on FB and hadn't planned to put anything on that site for a while.  I didn't even text her back, I went straight to FB.  My Dad had posted the picture of my sister and I from above holding the roses and balloon that says TWINS on it.  It already had 11 likes and 5 comments.  Oh. my. gosh!  I called mom and told her to please help him delete it ASAP.  That was so not ok.  Dad deleted it immediately, but who knows how many people saw it.  Oh well.  The next day at a wedding I'm sitting next to Dad and he says, "Sorry about the pic on Facebook! I didn't even know what it said!"  Umm, Dad, it's a balloon with babies on it that says twins! He says, "Well I couldn't even see what it said!"  Mercy!  Glad we got that sorted!

Just to make this even longer, here are a few picture from the wedding we attended on Sunday.

 My brother, sister, myself, The Beautiful Bride - Terri, and Ryan

 Bailey and I

 We scrub up pretty nice!

 My Gorgeous Husband!

Ryan, Me, Kristin, and Kory

Monday morning marked the day of my second beta.  I went in first thing in the morning and had my blood drawn by my friend Reuben again.  Just for the record, he was thrilled that we had gotten a positive result from the last lab.  The call came in again around 2:30pm, though this time I was much more patient.  The nurse told me that the beta came back EXCELLENT!  After scheduling an appointment in 2 weeks, I had to ask her what the number came back at.  1200!!!!  WHOA!!!! 1200, that's a HUGE jump.  I was expecting it to be around 900 maybe, but 1200.  When I calculated it, our numbers doubled in 35.9 hours.  (You can look back up at the beta chart that I posted earlier.)  The biggest question of course is whether or not they both took?  The answer is, we still don't know.  While these numbers are high and could suggest that both very possibly did, there is really no way to know until we have an ultrasound.  So we'll be waiting another 2 weeks to find out for sure.  And then... even if you ask, you won't get an answer until we tell our families later that week.  SORRY! :) Regardless of if we get 1 or 2 babies, we will be so happy either way and we feel so unbelievably blessed.  

Though things have still hardly set in that this is real and that I'm pregnant, we know that it's true.  We are feeling incredibly blessed to have such great results.  We want to extend a HUGE thank you to all those who have been so supportive, have been sending up prayers, and have shown so much love.  If there is one thing we know from the whole experience it's that...

So THANK You to all of you.  Of course being that I'm only 4 weeks 4 days pregnant, things are still very fragile!  A lot can happen in the coming weeks, so we ask that you continue adding us into your prayers.  We have no doubt that whatever is meant to be will be and we are fine in knowing that if God wants us to have twins, we will have twins, and if not, then we'll have one.  His plan is far better than our own.  Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts!  This has been quite a process and having all your support has made a huge difference for us!

Love from all 8 of us!! :)

The Dreadful TWW (Two Week Wait)

Most people trying to conceive, especially those going through the battle infertility is, know about the TWW.  This is the time after ovulation leading up to the period.  The two weeks in which you might be pregnant, you're hoping you're pregnant, you're paying attention to every little bodily function wondering if it could be a sign, aka symptom spotting.... not a very nice habit to get into.  Never the less, it's simply impossible to not think about the possibility of being pregnant during this time, especially after having 2, 6 day old miniature "babies" put inside you.  It's comparable to Chinese water torture I'd say. :)

So here I sit... tomorrow makes 6dp6dt, for all you that aren't down with the lingo that means, 6 days past 6 day transfer. Rocket science I know. That means those little embryos have been in as long as they are old.  That's cool.  Aside from some random cramping in the first few days after the transfer, some recent lower back pain and wicked heart burn this afternoon, I've really had no symptoms.  Then again, when I think about it in terms of the fact I'm only technically 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant if at all, I wouldn't even have missed my period yet, so... why would there be any symptoms?! That's what makes this TWW such TORTURE!  After such hype and such a big event, it seems that there should be something to show from it.  There will be (hopefully), it'll just take 9 months to really see it.  The good news is that I only have 3 more full days to get through until my BETA blood test.  What that is is a blood test that detects the pregnancy hormone HCG earlier on than a home pregnancy test.  That day will also mark the 4 week mark.  The only trouble is that I go in first thing in the morning and don't hear back until that afternoon, so technically I'll still have several more hours of Chinese water torture to endure.  

Here's a look at what's going on inside me.  When watching this, keep in mind that our blastocysts were hatching when they were transferred back in.  That will give you an idea of where we started.

 

I'll leave you with this thought... the other day my Mom made a point to ask if I had been listening to Classical music for the babies? I've heard this and I said, Does that really work?  Mom says, "ABSOLUTELY!"  So, just to make sure we try everything I've been listening to some really good tunes lately.  My favorite Pandora station is The Piano Guys!  They're rad and they play many popular songs, only on instruments.  It's beautiful.  The other day I was getting discouraged about this whole process and I went to lay down on the couch and pray while listening to my sweet tunes.  The first song that came on was this one.  I'm sure you'll know the song, but in case you don't know all the words, please read along with the lyrics as you listen.  I only knew the words to the chorus as the time but that nearly brought me to tears.  When the song ended I immediately looked up the lyrics.  I'm taking it as a sign from God that everything will work out perfectly.

"A Thousand Years"

Christina Perry

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

**I just cried again listening to it.**

Friday morning will be here before we know it and we'd appreciate the continued prayers throughout this week for patience, good and healthy growth of our babies, and overall great news for our hopefully expanding family.  From our hearts to yours... THANK YOU!  

XOXO Lauren, Ryan and hopefully 2 poppyseed sized babies.

Amazingly Incredible... What a Day!

I woke up this morning to a mass email my mom had sent out to 30+ of her closest friends and family asking for prayers for Ryan and I on our big day today.  After seeing this massive list of names, my initial reaction was, wow mom, I guess the whole town knows now.  But after reading the email, I was overwhelmed with emotion and at the thought of all these people praying for us.  Even those that hardly know us.  I was immediately thankful that we were not alone in this and that we have an abundance of love and support on our side.  Throughout the morning, I welcomed the numerous text messages, Facebook messages, and phone calls wishing us luck today and letting us know they were thinking of us and praying hard for us!  THANK YOU to all of you, it really meant a lot.

I was not nervous this morning and I got a decent nights sleep.  The hardest part of my morning was trying to decide what to wear to "meet" our future baby or babies.  Ridiculous I know.  It's the little things though. At this point it was all about the good luck!  So I had my 'B' bracelet my girl Ebony gave me for our wedding and my Capri bracelet my parents just brought back to me from Italy, which is meant to bring good luck.

Ryan got off work early and we headed to Marin.  I had to go with a full bladder, which was a NIGHTMARE!  By the time we got there, I had to pee so bad I could hardly get out of the truck (and we were 15 minutes early.)  I was NOT going to make it.  We went in and I asked if they could take me early.  She said they could in about 10 minutes.  Oh. my. gosh.  I was so uncomfortable I was snapping at Ryan and this procedure was NOT going to be fun. After a few minutes of sitting there, I had to go to the bathroom and relieve some pressure.  I'm not sure if you've ever tried to pee just a little, but it's not easy.  I did it and I was proud.  They immediately took us back to the room and the nurse came in to do an ultrasound of my bladder.  She said it looked great.  When Dr. Uzelac came in to check it, he said it was actually a little to full and I could go a little more.  Heck yeah!  So I threw my pants back on and cruised to "pee just a little" again.  Finally I was feeling ok and like I'd be able to make it through without peeing all over.  He checked it again and said it was still full and if it would make me feel more comfortable, I could go even more!  Yay! At this point I was ready to Rock 'n' Roll!

Not great pics, but here we are waiting.

He had the team ready and we got started.   The embryologist came in and told us our embryo's looked great.  She said we'd be able to see them on the TV screen when she did her part.  The nurse also commented on how cool our embryos looked and that they were hatching!  It literally took maybe 5-6 minutes to do everything.  The Doctor cleaned the area ( I felt nothing), then told the embryologist he was ready.  At that point, she went and got the embryos in a little tube and brought it to him. He inserted them, and I still felt nothing.  She then checked the tube again under the microscope to make sure they both came out and that was it.  I was shocked!  It was all too easy!  I was grateful though.  I laid there for about 10 minutes, 5 of which the Doctor went over the protocol for the next 9 days.  At the end he was wishing us all the best and told us, "You guys are working with the best of the best!  I have never seen them look this good!"  How AWESOME!!!  Earlier, his nurse had said that he wanted to keep them.  He says, "They look so good that I don't want to give them back!" He said they are trophy worthy!  Alright, enough of the suspense already, here's a pic of our 2 little beauties!!  INCREDIBLE!!

My sister claims, "I see a boy and a girl!"  

My friend Terri says, "The one on the bottom looks like she's wearing a pink bow." 

When we finished, we went to our favorite little place in San Rafael for lunch, Crepe Vine.  Yummy.  Here we are, happy as can be. 

Now we wait.  We're told implantation should happen any time in the next 48 hours.  And we are scheduled for a blood test late next week.  If that is positive, we'll have another one 2 days later, then at about 5.5 weeks they schedule the first ultrasound, that would be around June 30, which happens to be our 2 year anniversary.  The only problem is that Ryan will be taking a class in Sacramento that week and I refuse to go without him, so we may be waiting that one out.  Talk about suspenseful.  We'll see how that goes.  

Here are two cool little pics I found that show the growth progression and what parts of the embryo end up being what.  Pretty interesting.  

The other absolutely FANTASTIC thing about today, is that my dear friend Ebony, all the way in Australia, had her 20 week ultrasound for her baby.  When I sent her a pic of my good luck charms, she went and found hers because she needed some luck as well.  Though she was nervous for the appointment, all is well and the baby is bigger than expected.  

If all goes well for both of us, we will be 17 weeks apart!  

That's some good stuff right there!  So excited for you Ebb!! And can't wait to meet the bebe!

Pure preciousness!

As always, we are so thankful and overwhelmed by all the love and support that has been shown to us.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  We ask for continued prayers that our babies will get nice and cozy in their new home and that we have a healthy and happy pregnancy!!  

With Love!

Lauren, Ryan and both Baby B's

Less than 24 hrs...

It's 3:23pm on Tuesday.  At 2:00pm on Wednesday we will be transferring our embryos.  That means in less than 24 hrs I'll be PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise.) How crazy is that?! I'm extremely excited.  I know Ryan is also excited but he hides it better than I do.    I have no doubt the kids will be thrilled once they find out I'm pregnant.  At the moment, they have no idea that we're going through this.  We aren't sure when we'll spill the beans but we'll probably wait a few weeks at least.  First things first, we need to get a positive pregnancy test.  I think that I'm so optimistic about things working out that it's hard for me to even imagine it not working.  Though that is a possibility and it would be devastating.  (Not focusing energy there though.)  Anyways, I'll update after the transfer tomorrow and hopefully we'll have at least one beautiful picture to share of our blastocysts.
As always, your prayers are appreciated.   XOXOX

Happy Summer to Me!

Thank you to the handful of you that have reached out via phone or text to keep tabs on me.  I'm sorry I've been so slack with an update. Between the numerous end of year tasks and end of semester Masters tasks, this girl has had very little extra time.  Which has actually been really good... it's kept me occupied during much of the waiting, so the time has flown by.  Here's the good news... I'M OUT FOR SUMMER!!!  Yesterday was our last school day.  I can't actually put into words how excited I really am to have a few weeks of down time, though I'll be in classes much of the summer. I'm taking all my kids back to my classroom this morning to help me pack things up as I'm moving into a new classroom, moving from probationary to permanent, and moving from 2nd grade to teaching a K/1 combo next year.  A lot of new things happening, all of which are very exciting.

Since my last post, not much has been happening, hence no post. I've been wearing my 4 patches alternating sides of application every two days.  Ryan says they feel like bubble wrap.  Not so sexy.  I've been feeling great though with no negative reactions.  We did have a funny little episode where 2 of them came off and ended up on Ryan (I'll let you use your imagination on that one) when we noticed the first thing he says was, "Oh my gosh, I'm feeling so emotional!" It was hilarious. Maybe you had be be there, but I'm glad you weren't! :)

Alright, on to bigger and more exciting things...  I had an appointment yesterday that was the deciding factor telling us if we'd be able to transfer next week, and......... drum roll please....................
I have a "nice fluffy uterus" (according to my doctor) and we're ready to move forward! We couldn't be more thrilled.  Here's the story, I had arrived a few minutes late after hitting some traffic on the way down so I didn't want to take the time to go to the bathroom, though I needed to.  I figured I'd just hold it.  Well, while he was doing the ultrasound he couldn't seem to get a good picture of things and the pushing around was far from comfortable for me.  So he actually had me go to the bathroom and he tried again.  Apparently it's easier to get a good pic with an empty bladder.  Better for both worlds I suppose.  Literally right when he got things situated the 2nd time around he says, "that's what we're looking for, a nice fluffy uterus! It's time to get pregnant!"  :) My lining measured at 8.6mm and he says they are looking for it to be over 8mm so we are GOOD to GO!  I started progesterone this morning that I'll be taking 3 times a day and my patches will now go from replacing them every two days to changing them every three.  We are scheduled for a transfer next Wednesday afternoon.  Less than a week, I can hardly believe it.  We've been waiting so long for this and finally we are closer than we've ever been. While I know there are still a lot of possible outcomes, I'm choosing to stay positive and hope for the best.  I know Ryan is excited, but he's able to hide it a little better.  He says he'll be excited once we find out I'm pregnant.  Whatever.  I told him I wanted to hear $17k worth of excitement from him. :) Oh and another thing.... when I came out of the exam room Dr. Uzelac turned and looked and me with a smile and says, "you guys are ok if you have twins right?" (Yes, we are transferring two.) I asked him if he's thinking we have a higher chance of both taking, and he said, "any time we transfer two back into a young person there's always a higher chance." With that said, the journey's about to really get started.  Thank you so much to all of you that have been praying.  Our dreams are coming true and we would really appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers into the next several weeks as we work even harder to sustaining a pregnancy and growing a baby, or two!

XOXOXO
L & R

Learning About Cysts

After learning that we were dealing and waiting on a few residual cysts, I've been doing a little research since I hardly know what a cyst is.  Here's what I've learned.  

• Every month a woman's body creates eggs, and once a month at the time of ovulation, they release the most mature egg.  These eggs are protected in fluid filled bubbles calls follicles.  One follicle per egg, though I know not all follicles have eggs.  When a follicle grows larger than expected it's called a functional cyst.  A cyst is essentially a bubble - a collection of fluid with a thin wall around it.  
• Most of the time the body reabsorbs this fluid, but cysts can also cause other symptoms:
• Abdominal discomfort;
• Pelvic pain that comes and goes;
• Pain during bowel movements and sex;
• Cysts can also lead to higher hormone levels and the body won't react to meds the way in should during this process.

           Less often there are more severe side effects but we won't go into that because I'm not concerned            about it.  

• The use of birth control pills stops ovulation from happening, so the egg never leaves the follicle.  Women on BCP have fewer cysts.

So... there you have it.  It would make sense that I have a few given I had SEVERAL follicles grow larger than expected. So, here we wait.  

InCYSTing on Waiting...

Well, Friday was eventful and not very eventful all in one.  I went to Marin straight from work and got there with no Friday afternoon traffic.  A 50 minute drive for a 5 minute check-up hardly seems worth it, but such is life.  After being on birth control pills (BCP) for 11 days we were hoping that the ultrasound would show signs that we were ready to move onto the patches... but we weren't so lucky.   The left side showed a couple cysts (they looked like follicles to me.)  I asked if that's what they were because I'm due to be ovulating right now in my cycle, but he said they were cysts.  After measuring them I asked if it's normal to have them?  He said it's absolutely normal.  They are residual cysts from all the meds and they look "good"as none are over 15mm.  In fact, I only have cysts on my left side, but my right side is perfect.  (It's interesting actually because every month when I cramp, I always cramp from my right side. Maybe my left has issues.) In short, Dr. U wants us to continue BCP for another week and see if they go down.  He says he'd prefer them to be smaller so that no one has to worry about them or keep an eye on them.  I think I'd prefer the same.  So he's in Napa this next week which means I won't have to make the drive.  Especially since traffic on my way home was a PARKING LOT!  Holy Friday afternoon traffic from SF.  I was actually able to kill two birds with one stone...

My Grandma has been moved to assisted living (on the same day actually) and that's been hard for the whole family, though we know it's where she needs to be.  She's now in Sonoma so I stopped by on way home.  It's a good thing because when I got there, the nurses asked if I'd be able to "calm her down?" She had only been there for a few hours and had not been cooperative in the slightest.  I was able to get her to the bathroom, take her out of her room to get a drink, dinner, and some sunlight.  Poor old girl... it's awful watching people get old.  As of yesterday she was even happier - smiling and laughing. That makes me smile.

So, to drown our sorrows... not really sorrows, I'm being dramatic.  Yesterday we took the kids to a jumpy house, the kind full of trampolines.  (Is it bad that we dropped them off and drove to the furniture store down the street?) They're old enough and had a phone to call if they needed to.  We just went to browse and blow time.  In the meantime we found a beautiful couch that was marked 50% off for a tear in between two of the sections.  Our couch is terrible so we've been talking about getting a new one, just haven't acted on it.  So after seeing this one... it was a match made in heaven. It's beautiful and we figured we deserved it.  Last nights family movie night was one of the most comfortable I've been in a LONG time!

So, here I sit, with my feet up on our beautiful new dark brown leather couch, next to our "new" bronze fire extinguisher lamp.... the story behind this one is that it's been in Grandma's house forever and I've always loved it.  My dad made it for her years ago and I've always wanted it.  Now that she's moved out of her place, my mom and dad picked it up and brought to to me yesterday.  I now think of Grandma every time I see it and it's a beautiful new addition.

Though things have not stayed on the exact time frame we had in mind, at this point we are feeling blessed and thankful.  On Thursday I'll have another update and we'll remain positive and hopeful that we receive good news.

Thanks for the continued prayers and support!

Our Little Frosties!

Here I am again and we have some VERY good news.  I got an update yesterday from Dr. Uzelac that we have 6 frozen blastocysts.  These were his words, "This is a GREAT number.  This is what I would generally see from a 24 year old egg donor."  Bring is on 30's… I've still got what it takes! :) I'm honestly not sure how common it is to see these numbers or if he was excited about the numbers due to my low amount of injections.  Either way, we are excited to have plenty to choose from.  From here we just hope that they all survive the thaw (or at least those that we use.) It's kind of a strange and sad thought.  Knowing that our future kids are frozen… standing still.  Weird.  And then to think that we may not use them all and they will remain frozen or get destroyed.  Double sad!

So, from here I'll be on birth control pills, (starting yesterday) for roughly 10 days. I have a  tentative appointment scheduled for next Wednesday so that he can check my ovaries (he wants to make sure they've shrunken back down) and my uterus lining.  His nurse told me today that if that all looks good then he'll start me on estrogen patches that same day or the following day.  You ready for this… 4 patches a day.  That's a lot of flippin' patches.  After 10-11 days on the patches they'll check my lining again and if it's where it needs to be, then I'll move on to Progesterone suppositories.  I know you're probably a little jealous of me right now! I mean, who doesn't want to play with suppositories?! :)  I'd much prefer the suppositories over more injections.  I hear those injections are PAINFUL!  No thank you!  After 6 days of Progesterone… on Day 6 that is, they will do the transfer.  As long as all systems are a GO, then this will all be happening around the end of the month.  Which means I'll find out whether or not I'm pregnant just in time for the school year to end an summer to come.  Now THAT'S exciting!  23 school days left.  Yee-Haa!

Here is a picture of 6 Day old blastocysts taken from someone else's blog - because it's nearly impossible to find pics of 6 day old vs. 5 day old blasts.  So, thanks to eatloveprocreate.blogspot.com for the pic.  These are actually hers and they are beautiful! It's pretty incredible to see the difference a day makes when comparing this pic to the 5 day old Blasts pictured below.  

In case you're interested, below there is some further info in order to get a more in-depth understanding. If you're over it… no worries and we thank you for your love, support and prayers as we journey towards the miracle of a baby! xoxo

This info is taken from www.fssc.com.au

What is a Blastocyst Stage Transfer?

Blastocyst Stage Transfer refers to the transfer of an embryo (hopefully a blastocyst) back into the uterus on Day 5. A blastocyst is the name given to an embryo which has developed into a single-layered sphere of cells encircling a fluid-filled cavity, with a dense mass of cells grouped together (see image below). It has been reported that a blastocyst contains anywhere from 60 to 120 cells. By this stage the embryo has differentiated into two cell types; the trophectoderm, the cells on the periphery of the embryo that forms the placenta; and the inner cell mass, the dense mass of cells on the inside that forms the foetus if the embryo implants.

Figure 3: Day 5 (Expanded Blastocyst)

It is expected that on average only a third of the embryos, which fertilise normally will continue to develop to the blastocyst stage which are suitable for transfer and/or freezing. This is because embryos are driven by the embryonic genome between days 3 and 5. At this stage the embryos continual development is reliant on the embryo itself to provide it with everything that it needs. It is thought that embryos that continue to fail to develop between days 3 to 5 could be associated to sperm quality.

The benefits of culturing embryos to Blastocyst stage:

•  The major benefit of culturing an embryo to the blastocyst stage is as an embryo selection or viability tool. Let’s say during your cycle you have three oocytes that fertilise normally, based on averages, you will only have one which is still progressing by day 5. However it is likely that 2 or 3 of these embryos would have been still developing at the rate we expect to see (6-8 cells) on day 3. Therefore, continuing to culture embryos to the blastocyst stage allows the Scientist to choose the best embryo for transfer, giving you a higher chance of success.
• If an embryo survives until Day 5 it is more likely to be genetically normal. However this does not mean all Blastocyst embryos are genetically normal.
• Increased implantation rates by culturing of the human embryo beyond the activation of the embryonic genome.
• Another possible benefit of transferring blastocyst embryos is that a blastocyst may have better potential to implant into the uterine wall. This is because in a natural cycle, Day 5 is usually when the embryo moves out of the fallopian tube and into the uterus. It has therefore been said that transferring an embryo at this stage into the uterus, is more like a natural cycle with better synchronisation between uterine lining and embryo development.
• Blastocyst cryopreservation is more efficient than cleavage stage cryopreservation. This is because these embryos have higher developmental potential, thus the implantation and pregnancy rates following frozen embryo transfer (FET) of blastocysts are higher compared to early cleavage FET.

- See more at: http://www.fssc.com.au/cleavage-versus-blastocyst-transfer-which-is-for-you/#sthash.5guvgqNX.dpuf

Day 3 Embryos

I'm a little late on this update and there will be another to come sooner rather than later.  Sorry for the delay.  We got a call from Dr. Uzelac on Thursday, as we were anxiously awaiting the news of how our embryos were growing.  He said that out of the 10 fertilized eggs, we had 7 that were right where they needed to be.  The others where a little behind but there was a chance they could catch up so they would continue to grow them and see what happens. We are still thrilled with this news.  I'm fairly certain that we have no intention of having 7 more kids, so even if we go from lucky #13 to lucky #7… we still feel incredibly blessed.

 I did have a question for Dr. Uzelac while on the phone with him however… I've read about embryos being graded (Grade A, AB, B, C, etc or 1, 2, 2.5, 3, etc. or in other ways) so I asked about that.  Do ours have "grades" or the equivalent.  He said, "Yes, that's exactly what we're talking about here.   You have 7 that are exactly where we should see them at this point with 9 cells, so they are considered the best of the best." (I assumed this means we have 7 Grade A embryos?!)  He seemed very pleased with these numbers and we think this is pretty excellent news as well.  Here's a picture of the development that has happened up until this point...

A typical 3 day old embryo will contain 6-10 cells.

9 is sounding like a pretty good number. 

www.arcfertility.com has some good information on this if you're interested.

From here…

The question has come up several times… what happens at this point?  That's a VERY good question. I don't completely know to be honest.  I know that we were supposed to be getting a call either today (Saturday) of tomorrow from the Doctor or embryologist updating us on the embryos.  I've yet to hear anything today which means we'll be hearing tomorrow.  The next step was to wait for my period to start and from that point we start some different meds to thicken up the uterus lining and some other things.  (I don't really know that either.) We were told my period would start about 10 days after the egg retrieval.  Well… it started today.  Not that you really care, but for us, that's exciting! That means that we are that much closer to having our dream become a reality.  So… I've put a call in to the office since I was supposed to let them know when I started.  But since it's the weekend, I'm not sure there's much I can do expect to wait until Monday.  From that point, I've learned that they do the transfer on as many days past ovulation as your embryo is old. So if we transfer a 6 day old embryo, then they will transfer it 6 days past ovulation.  We're looking at a little less than 3 weeks from now.  SWEET!!!! So exciting!

Anyways, I'll post a little sum'n sum'n tomorrow once I hear about our babies in the making!  Thanks for your continues prayers!!

xxxooo

On Top of the World!!!

Today we received a FANTASTIC phone call from Dr. Uzelac!  Here's the news…

Of the 13 eggs that were harvested,

12 were mature.

Of those 12,

10 have been fertilized!

We have 10 babies in the making!

We are all smiles over here!  

We never doubted that we were meant to make babies together, just figured out that we needed a little help along the way to make this dream a reality!  

We'll get a call in 2 days with an update of how they are doing but for now…

here's a look at what the embryologist is seeing

(These are taken from the Yale Fertility Center Website)

Day 1: Today

Day 1: The eggs are assessed for evidence of fertilization. Normal fertilization is evidenced by the presence of two pronuclei, one from the egg and one from the sperm. If there are too few or too many pronuclei, the embryo is considered abnormally fertilized. All normally fertilized embryos are put into a culture media that mimics the tubal fluid found in fallopian tubes and placed in an incubator. 

Day 2: Tomorrow

Day 2: The embryos are assessed for cell division. Most embryos develop 2-4 cells by day 2. Embryos are graded based on an embryologic grading system that incorporates number of cells, cell regularity and degree of fragmentation. The decision whether to transfer the embryos on day 3 or day 5 is made based on the quality and cell division of the embryos. 

Day 3: Thursday

Day 3: Embryos on day 3 usually have 4-8 cells. Depending on the number and quality of the embryos, an embryo transfer can be performed on this day. The embryos that are favorably graded are selected to be transferred. Your physician will help you decide how many embryos to transfer based on your history, age and the quality of embryos.  

Day 4: Friday

Day 4: The cells within the embryo continue to grow begin to tightly align themselves against each other to form a compact ball of cells, known as a morula or compacting embryo. At this stage it is approximately 12-15 cells. In a natural conception the embryo enters the uterine cavity as a morula.

Day 5: Saturday

Day 5: On day 5, the embryo develops into an early blastocyst or a blastocyst. A blastocyst is an embryonic structure that has developed into 2 main components; an inner cell mass which gives rise to the fetus and the trophoblast which develops into the placenta. A blastocyst transfer is performed on day 5. Remaining viable embryos are cultured to day 6 and can be cryopreserved at that time. 

Day 6: Sunday

Day 6: All viable, high quality embryos are able to be cryopreserved on Day 6. Any non-viable embryos are then discarded. Day 6 is the last day that an embryo can remain in the laboratory without being transferred or cryopreserved. 

Our goal is obviously to have all 10 make it to Day 5/6.  I'm not sure if every center has the same protocol of having the embryo's make it to Day 6, but regardless, the longer the make it, the better it is for all of us.  For now, we are overjoyed and praying that those little guys (and gals I suppose) keep on keeping on.  It's very clear that prayers have been answered and we are thankful beyond all belief!  

Random Thoughts/The Power of Prayer

Yesterday was a good day, a rough day, a sore day, a lazy day and also a very exciting day!  I came home after the egg retrieval and the only comfortable position I could find was laying down.  I took roughly 6 more naps after my killer hour long induced nap (I'm not even sure how that's possible, but it felt good.)  It hurt to sit up since it put to much pressure on everything "down there" so when I did sit, it was on the side of a "cheek" in a leaned over position. Not real comfortable! Whenever I walked anywhere (primarily to the bathroom after all the liquids I was trying to get down) I had to hold pressure on my lower abdomen so I couldn't feel the shaking around of everything quite so severely.  And taking a pee, mercy… that pressure hurt too!  I remained laying down with my trusty hot pack on my stomach all day and all night long.  And the good news, is that I slept all night and feel so much better today! I took the day off work today, just in case, though in reality, I totally could have gone in.  It just would have been a REALLY rough day had I felt anything like I did yesterday.  So, it's turned into a day to get homework done for my Master's (which was very much needed since I'm world's best procrastinator!) And here I am, ADDing, after an hour and a half of homework, writing a post.  Such is life.

On to my thoughts… while laying in bad over the last 24 hours I've had several thoughts.  One of which hit me pretty hard.  That is, the POWER of PRAYER! I'm a big believer in prayer and pray regularly.  When thinking about this whole process I realized just how much prayer has gone into it.  Over the past 2 years while we've been trying to get pregnant naturally, we'd of course pray together that we'd be blessed with a baby.  I hate to say this, but after that long, it seems that there is little value left in that prayer.  I know that's not true and that our time will come, but if we're being honest here… that's how I felt.  These are some of the things I've learned about prayer during this process:

#1 - I/We pray a lot more.  We have more specific prayers, as every step of this journey is a process.  I've learned that it's entirely too much to take this on alone so we've included much of our family and friends into this journey with us.  Which leads me to point #2…
#2 - Knowing that others out there are praying for us… saying specific prayers for us and holding us in the forefronts of their minds and thoughts throughout the last week and a half has been an incredibly overwhelming feeling.  I cannot tell you how many phone calls, texts, FB messages, etc I've received from these people to check in on us, to wish us luck, let us know they've been praying for us, etc.  There is no way I'd be strong enough to remain as calm as I have without all your thoughts and prayers.  We've felt them and they've been answered, so thank you!
#3 - I've realized how much more FAITH I've had to put on God during this time.  I'm a bit controlling (I must get it from my mom! :)) and I like to know what to expect and when.  This has not been one of those processes where that is feasible.  We've had to be flexible and ready for change.  It's all about timing and it's impossible to know what that timing will look like, so I had a tendency to stress.  I stressed about getting the meds on time, how the injections would feel, how the meds would effect me, how my follicles would grow, the timing of the egg retrieval, being put under for the procedure, etc.  I've told myself (and God) several times that I have to let go.  I cannot hold on to all these things because ultimately, I have no control over them anyways.  I have to let go and let God.  He has a plan for us.  He knows what the outcome is going to be from all this and I have absolutely NO reason to stress! All I have to do is trust Him and relax.  Our time to have a baby will be here when it's the right time.  We know and trust that God's plan is far better than our own plan.