On Top of the World!!!

Today we received a FANTASTIC phone call from Dr. Uzelac!  Here's the news…

Of the 13 eggs that were harvested,

12 were mature.

Of those 12,

10 have been fertilized!

We have 10 babies in the making!

We are all smiles over here!  

We never doubted that we were meant to make babies together, just figured out that we needed a little help along the way to make this dream a reality!  

We'll get a call in 2 days with an update of how they are doing but for now…

here's a look at what the embryologist is seeing

(These are taken from the Yale Fertility Center Website)

Day 1: Today

Day 1: The eggs are assessed for evidence of fertilization. Normal fertilization is evidenced by the presence of two pronuclei, one from the egg and one from the sperm. If there are too few or too many pronuclei, the embryo is considered abnormally fertilized. All normally fertilized embryos are put into a culture media that mimics the tubal fluid found in fallopian tubes and placed in an incubator. 

Day 2: Tomorrow

Day 2: The embryos are assessed for cell division. Most embryos develop 2-4 cells by day 2. Embryos are graded based on an embryologic grading system that incorporates number of cells, cell regularity and degree of fragmentation. The decision whether to transfer the embryos on day 3 or day 5 is made based on the quality and cell division of the embryos. 

Day 3: Thursday

Day 3: Embryos on day 3 usually have 4-8 cells. Depending on the number and quality of the embryos, an embryo transfer can be performed on this day. The embryos that are favorably graded are selected to be transferred. Your physician will help you decide how many embryos to transfer based on your history, age and the quality of embryos.  

Day 4: Friday

Day 4: The cells within the embryo continue to grow begin to tightly align themselves against each other to form a compact ball of cells, known as a morula or compacting embryo. At this stage it is approximately 12-15 cells. In a natural conception the embryo enters the uterine cavity as a morula.

Day 5: Saturday

Day 5: On day 5, the embryo develops into an early blastocyst or a blastocyst. A blastocyst is an embryonic structure that has developed into 2 main components; an inner cell mass which gives rise to the fetus and the trophoblast which develops into the placenta. A blastocyst transfer is performed on day 5. Remaining viable embryos are cultured to day 6 and can be cryopreserved at that time. 

Day 6: Sunday

Day 6: All viable, high quality embryos are able to be cryopreserved on Day 6. Any non-viable embryos are then discarded. Day 6 is the last day that an embryo can remain in the laboratory without being transferred or cryopreserved. 

Our goal is obviously to have all 10 make it to Day 5/6.  I'm not sure if every center has the same protocol of having the embryo's make it to Day 6, but regardless, the longer the make it, the better it is for all of us.  For now, we are overjoyed and praying that those little guys (and gals I suppose) keep on keeping on.  It's very clear that prayers have been answered and we are thankful beyond all belief!  

Random Thoughts/The Power of Prayer

Yesterday was a good day, a rough day, a sore day, a lazy day and also a very exciting day!  I came home after the egg retrieval and the only comfortable position I could find was laying down.  I took roughly 6 more naps after my killer hour long induced nap (I'm not even sure how that's possible, but it felt good.)  It hurt to sit up since it put to much pressure on everything "down there" so when I did sit, it was on the side of a "cheek" in a leaned over position. Not real comfortable! Whenever I walked anywhere (primarily to the bathroom after all the liquids I was trying to get down) I had to hold pressure on my lower abdomen so I couldn't feel the shaking around of everything quite so severely.  And taking a pee, mercy… that pressure hurt too!  I remained laying down with my trusty hot pack on my stomach all day and all night long.  And the good news, is that I slept all night and feel so much better today! I took the day off work today, just in case, though in reality, I totally could have gone in.  It just would have been a REALLY rough day had I felt anything like I did yesterday.  So, it's turned into a day to get homework done for my Master's (which was very much needed since I'm world's best procrastinator!) And here I am, ADDing, after an hour and a half of homework, writing a post.  Such is life.

On to my thoughts… while laying in bad over the last 24 hours I've had several thoughts.  One of which hit me pretty hard.  That is, the POWER of PRAYER! I'm a big believer in prayer and pray regularly.  When thinking about this whole process I realized just how much prayer has gone into it.  Over the past 2 years while we've been trying to get pregnant naturally, we'd of course pray together that we'd be blessed with a baby.  I hate to say this, but after that long, it seems that there is little value left in that prayer.  I know that's not true and that our time will come, but if we're being honest here… that's how I felt.  These are some of the things I've learned about prayer during this process:

#1 - I/We pray a lot more.  We have more specific prayers, as every step of this journey is a process.  I've learned that it's entirely too much to take this on alone so we've included much of our family and friends into this journey with us.  Which leads me to point #2…
#2 - Knowing that others out there are praying for us… saying specific prayers for us and holding us in the forefronts of their minds and thoughts throughout the last week and a half has been an incredibly overwhelming feeling.  I cannot tell you how many phone calls, texts, FB messages, etc I've received from these people to check in on us, to wish us luck, let us know they've been praying for us, etc.  There is no way I'd be strong enough to remain as calm as I have without all your thoughts and prayers.  We've felt them and they've been answered, so thank you!
#3 - I've realized how much more FAITH I've had to put on God during this time.  I'm a bit controlling (I must get it from my mom! :)) and I like to know what to expect and when.  This has not been one of those processes where that is feasible.  We've had to be flexible and ready for change.  It's all about timing and it's impossible to know what that timing will look like, so I had a tendency to stress.  I stressed about getting the meds on time, how the injections would feel, how the meds would effect me, how my follicles would grow, the timing of the egg retrieval, being put under for the procedure, etc.  I've told myself (and God) several times that I have to let go.  I cannot hold on to all these things because ultimately, I have no control over them anyways.  I have to let go and let God.  He has a plan for us.  He knows what the outcome is going to be from all this and I have absolutely NO reason to stress! All I have to do is trust Him and relax.  Our time to have a baby will be here when it's the right time.  We know and trust that God's plan is far better than our own plan.

Today Is The Big Day!

Egg Retrieval Day!

Out front of the center where the magic happens. 

This was before the procedure!

This means it was a big day for not only me and my eggs but also for Ryan and his little spermies! We left home at 6:30 this morning (I refused to get up before 6:15 since I couldn't eat or drink anything and I didn't want to be awake for too long.)  In addition, they asked me not to use any kind of scented lotions or perfumes as they can have negative effects on the eggs.  So, I didn't have much to do this morning besides brushing my teeth anyways.  I was nervous on the way down and may have started crying while talking to my mom on the phone (though I'm not sure she could tell.) Ryan just quietly held my hand and let me cry. It didn't last long but it was good to get it out.  Phillip Phillips soothed my nerves on the drive down as I sang along with him.  We got there, filled out some paperwork, and shortly after they took me back to my room.  The anesthesiologist, Dr. Chu was this cute little Asian guy that reminded me of the guy from the movie, The Hangover.  Kind of a high pitched, feminine voice, and sweet as ever.  He walked me through the steps of the procedure and started small talk while getting the IV going.  Dr. Uzelac came in and got me situated and himself prepared.  Within second of my IV being started I started to feel a little dizzy. My friend Dr. Chu says to me, "I put a little something in your IV so you might start to feel something." Yes, I feel it!  He said, "Well don't you worry, there's more from where that came from!" He told me to think of a nice place I'd like to vacation, a nice warm beach, and told me to "have a nice trip!"  That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I knew, Judy, one of the nurses came in and woke me up.   She said everything went great and that they had collected 13 eggs!  That's right, the lucky #13.  Funny enough, that's both mine and Ryan's favorite number.  Before we met, we both had the number 13 in our email addresses.   This MUST be a good sign.  Judy got me some water (good thing because I was parched) and asked if I wanted to see my husband.  I would love to see my husband! I told her.  Ryan came in and took these incredibly attractive pictures of me after a quick kiss.

 Someone must've been feeling good based off the size of that smile!

Judy gave us a quick run down of things to look for and that was it.  We thanked Dr. Uzelac and spoke with him briefly about the number 13 which he said is a good number.  They generally have a goal of 10-20 eggs and considering I was on the lowest dose of meds, this was a great number. That was it.  We were done.  Quick and easy.  

What's amazing to us is that at this very moment, my eggs and Ryan's sperm have been put together and our chromosomes are doing the tango. (Well, hopefully!) Because we have a male fertility factor, they are doing what it called ICSI (see video below).  This is a process when they specifically pick Ryan's strongest sperm and physically put it into one of my eggs.  This is to ensure fertilization happens.  Or to raise the chances of fertilization I should say.  From this point, the embryologist will carefully monitor the cells, that will hopefully turn into embryos, over the next 3-5 days.  Seeing as we are unable to move forward at this point, they will then freeze all the embryos until my body is ready.  We're hoping that will be in the next 3-4 weeks.  They will then do what's called an FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) and we'll wait for 9 days, then take a pregnancy test and do blood tests to see what the results are.  Pretty interesting and very exciting!  Below are  a few interesting videos showing the process that has taken place today and is currently happening, as well as what's to come.

 This video shows the process of the egg retrieval and typical IVF procedures.

However, it does not show the process of ICSI.  The next video will

show what that process looks like.  

The ICSI Procedure

The below video is the process we will be getting updates on over the next 3-5 days.  The dividing of the cells forming an embryo(s).  This whole process is such a miracle!

Thank you to all of you that have said special prayers last night and this morning (as well as every other day)!  It feels so wonderful to know that we are so loved and supported by so many and that we have a God that is watching over us.  A God that is guiding the Nurses and Doctors caring for us, and who's working His magic as we watch the beginning stages of the incredible miracle that life is.  Simply AMAZING!  We are blessed and we thank you again for everything. 

Love, Lauren & Ryan

Trigger Shot

I know some of you were left hanging yesterday as I never updated this blog after receiving the phone call from Dr. Uzelac.  Sorry about that.  There are a few reasons for this.  Here's the story…

I got the call just after 3:00pm yesterday and it wasn't exactly the news i was hoping to hear.  My estrogen level had shot up from 2000ish to 4000.  Uzelac seemed a lot more confident on the phone about his decision to trigger tonight.  I got the impression at the office that he was ready to trigger but there was something missing.  Now I realize it was the rise in my estrogen that was missing at that point.  From putting two and two together, I know that when a woman ovulates there is a rise in her hormones (known as the LH surge.)  I'm not sure if this is a rise in estrogen but I'm assuming it might be.  When I was at my appointment, Dr. Uzelac had yet to see that rise but rather that my levels had plateaued so that must be why I wasn't getting his full 100% go ahead with everything. When he called me, he said that it's a good thing to see the rise because now we know that your body is ready (I assume that means ready for ovulation) which would mean ready for the trigger shot.  The job of the trigger shot is to tell the ovaries, "Ok, it's go time!"  The timing is crucial when taking these shots and it has to be 36 hours before the egg retrieval happens.  This way the eggs won't be released to early (before the Doctor gets in there to get them first) and it won't be to late to where they won't be ready.  So he gave me the go ahead to trigger tonight.  The only catch was that I had to get the other trigger shot.  

He had called around to NUMEROUS Bay Area pharmacies looking for it and only 1 pharmacy had it (and they only had one!)  The only catch was that the pharmacy was in San Francisco.  I had just gotten home from being in Marin which is more than halfway there.  Oh man!  I now had a less than five hour window from this call until we had dinner reservations to celebrate my brothers birthday.  I pulled Ryan into the room to give him the news and see what he wanted to do.  (The other factor is that we have the kids and they don't know what's going on.  I'm not sure how we would explain a random trip to a pharmacy in SF with them not asking questions.) So I called my go-to person… my fantastic mom!  Though she was at a friends house having lunch, she had no problem getting in her car and heading to Napa so that we could make the road trip together.  From the time we left my house, we had a little less than 4 hours until dinner.  What should have been a 1hr 15 min drive, took us closer to 2 hours with all the traffic.  But it was beautiful day and I had good company.  

We got to the pharmacy and they had it ready to go.  Lucky for me, Dr. Uzelac had mentioned the Walgreens savings card that would save a considerable amount of money.  They wanted $399.99 for this little bottle of fluid.  What the junk?!  That's ridiculous.  Instead I paid $20 for the walgreens member gig and walked out paying $210.00 instead.  Not that we had that money to spend, but it was in my account.  We are now accepting donations! :) Just Kidding!  The good news is that we got the stuff we needed and had about an hour and a half to get home.  We got home at 7:50, just enough time for me to try and not look so hit up and get to dinner a little late.  

I was due to take the injection at 8:30, so I excused myself during dinner, took an all call from any nurses that wanted to participate in the fun and went to the bathroom.  Mom again pulled through and as we're trying to get the injection going and drawn up, the bathroom turned into a happy hour location for all women in the restaurant. (we also had to get a little added help from my sister to know how much to fill the syringe since the units weren't the same as what I was used to. Thanks Kris!) Mom and I then locked ourselves into a stall so that it didn't seem as though I was shooting up in the middle of a public restroom.  Thank you mom for being the one to start my injections and almost finish them!  I'm not sure I could make it through this experience without all your love and support!  (That goes for my entire family!!!) You're all fantastic!

In the bathroom stall getting my fix!

The best news of all is that the needle is SO small

that I didn't even feel it and the medicine doesn't sting at all!

Dr. Uzelac told me that I needed to take the same dose 12 hours apart.  So now, being Sunday morning, Ryan just gave me my last injection of this process that I'm aware of.  (Minus the IV I'll be getting tomorrow morning!) And he gets to end on a high note as yet again, a feelingless injection was administered.  

 Thank you my love!!!!!

My emotions are in high gear and I sit writing this through tear filled eyes as I look back on the ups and downs over the past 10 days.  I've had so much support shown from friends and family and thank each and every one of you for making this journey an easier one.  I had a few breakdowns over the past week but ultimately, I've made it through what I hear is one of the hardest parts of the process… the process of making all the eggs, dealing with increased hormones, having multiple puncture marks on my stomach and arms, and somewhat becoming all consumed with this whole thing.  Thank you Ryan for picking up the pieces when I was falling apart and for being a solid rock for me when I had tears streaming.  You amaze me every single day and I'm so lucky to be going through this with you.  I'd be a wreck without you.  

Though this journey is far from over, this does mark the end of one chapter as we start another chapter. Tomorrow is a BIG day as they'll be "putting me to sleep" for a short time and hopefully retrieving some strong and healthy eggs.  We pray for plenty of healthy sperm and that are ready to do the tango with the eggs they are matched with.  After this, I'll hopefully have a smooth and quick recovering, and we'll be receiving updates hearing about how the cells are dividing to make embryos and hopefully then turning into blastocysts.  From that point, they will be freezing all of our embryos and we'll be in a waiting game for my period to start so that we can continue our journey.  This whole thing is a miracle and we are so thankful and blessed to be able to be doing this.  I've told several people that one of the coolest parts of this process is to see and know exactly what is happening during this process.  It's one thing to get knocked up overnight, find out you're pregnant, and carry on with life.  It's a totally different story seeing what happens every single day of the process. It's an absolute miracle and it's amazing to see.  Science stills proves to be incredible!  I know this was a long post, but thank you for reading it to the end and as always, for your continued support and prayers.  Stay tuned for a post about the retrieval and all the loopy things I say when drugged up.  Love you all! 

Just About Ready...

I had my appointment this morning with Dr. Uzelac to see how everything was progressing… hoping that today would be the day we could do the trigger shot.  Ryan didn't come with me so Dr. Uzelac brought his wife and 1 year old daughter to help him and to be the 3rd party.  Cute family.  Everything is looking good.  The screen wasn't on for the first side he looked at, but they got it on for the other side and follicles are measuring up to 22mm.  Our goal was 18mm for the biggest one.  Everything is ready to go and my estrogen level has plateaued the last two days, but be wanted to make sure that it hadn't sky rocketed  over night. So after my appointment he sent me over to Marin General to get lab work done for the 4th day in a row.  The good news is that they hit the left arm rather than the right, per my request.  My right arm and it's heroin status was tapped out.  Even better news is that the girl that did it was the best yet!  Double sweet!  Basically, we're good to go for trigger tonight with the traditional trigger depending on my estrogen level. Fingers are crossed all levels are where they need to be.  We're hopeful there will be no further complications and no freezing so that we can move forward.  I'm getting pretty excited and slightly nervous.

I haven't been sick at all other than my episode on Wednesday, which I'm thankful for.  I have been starting to cramp a little more regularly as these little follies grow bigger.  Well, they aren't really cramps  more like sharp twinges that pass rather quickly.  I feel bloated but not to badly thank goodness.  That will all come with time.  Looking forward to 9 months of "bloat!" :)

So, there you have it.  You are now in the loop and up to date  with everything we know.

Thanks for your continued prayers! xoxo

9th Day Into Stims

It's been a busy week, but here I am to give you an update with everything that's happened over the past 6 days.

Here's what this week looked like:

SUNDAY = Easter & Blood work done at the Queen… that was a nightmare in itself but it got done. (It took 45 mins just to get entered into the computer through the Emergency Room since the rest of the hospital was closed.) After getting my results, Dr. Uzelac decided to lower my dose from 150 iu of Gonal-F to 112.5 iu.  (I've been taking 150 every day so far.) This was also the first night that Ryan gave me my injection.  I will say he did a pretty good job.  It still wasn't as smooth as Jackie's, but he did a lot better than I would have done to myself.

Though this is a 100% terrible picture,

it documents the first night Ryan poked that

needle into my little roll of stomach fat.  

Oh the memories!!

MONDAY = Gonal-F was lowered to 75iu.  Ryan got a little bit of stage fright when it came time to give me my shot.  Poor guy was pushing the needle slower than a snail crawl and it wasn't going it… just pushing needle point pressure on me! OUCH!  After telling him that he needed to dart the damn thing he said, "I just don't want to hurt you!"  Bless his heart.  It's gotta be hard from him too!  He man'd up and got the job done but it didn't happen without plenty of laughing between the two of us.  I was laughing so hard I was shaking with the syringe hanging out of my stomach.  I love you Ryan!  Thanks for getting the job done on your end! I'd never be able to do this to myself.

TUESDAY = Another needle poked in my arm and more blood taken first thing in the morning.  We had an appointment in Marin to see how everything was progressing and Dr, Uzelac said everything looked good.  My largest follicle was measuring at 13mm I think.  He thought there might be a possibility of doing the trigger shot on Thursday with the egg retrieval on Saturday, or trigger on Sunday and the ER on Sunday.  Either way, the ER will for sure happen over the weekend.  He said he didn't see too many or too few follicles and my lining looked good. He did feel that my estrogen was a little high and that we still might be candidates for the alternative trigger shot (Lupron) in order to reduce the risk of OHSS Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (don't ask me what it is… it's confusing.  All I know is that it's not real pleasant and we would like to avoid that from happening if at all possible.)  At our appointment, he told us to move back up to 150 iu of Gonal-F for tonight's injection.  I also started taking Centrotide in order to reduce the chance of early ovulation from happening.  All I know is if there is any more to add in the syringe, I'll have to take 2 shots… that thing is packed full!

 Here's tonight's line up…

After last night's episode of "cold feet," my Mom suggested that Ryan practice in an apple,
 thus, here he is poking an apple with a needle.
Gotta love him!

WEDNESDAY = I was awake from 3:00am-4:30am having a hard time getting comfortable and feeling nauseated!  I finally fell back asleep, but I was a wreck.  I have been so severely bloated and "backed up".  Sorry if that's TMI but such is life.  I haven't been drinking coffee but Ryan decided that's what I needed to get things moving.  So he brought me a cup'o'joe at 5:30 while I was still trying to sleep.  Sleep, sip, sleep, sip, repeat. It did the trick thankfully, but my stomach was turning all day.  I felt nauseated all day at work so my class watched a movie the last 40 mins of the day because I couldn't hang.  Luckily a co-worker had a sprite which saved me.  Turns out, Centrotide (the new med from last night) has a side effect of nausea.  I didn't even think to look into the side effects until I was already sick, but sure enough, it's the first one listed.  Needless to say, I was fortunate in that it was a short day of school and I went home for a nap by 1:00.  It was much needed! Gonal-F is at 150 tonight.

THURSDAY = This morning is the first morning that I've woken up with residual soreness at the injection site on my stomach.  Man, it's like a bad bruise and hurts with every move I make.  I had more blood drawn this morning… I'm now on a first name basis with Rueben the blood drawer (I know there's a real name for the people that draw blood but I can't remember it right now. You know what I mean though.)  He say's to me today, "Were you here yesterday?" Nope, the day before.  "Oh, I thought so!"  We're tight!  I had another appointment with Dr. Uzelac this afternoon (thankfully in Napa this time.)  The good news is that everything looks good, the not so good news is that my follicles have slowed their roll a bit, the largest is now 16mm.  So, there was no way to trigger today and he didn't think it would happen tomorrow either.  He says my estrogen level is up to 2340.  All I know about that is that they want it to be above 2000 by the time of the egg retrieval and if it goes above 4000 than Lupron will for sure be used as the trigger shot.  Ultimately, he says it comes down to a judgement call he will make based off of how everything looks the day of the trigger shot and my estrogen level.  Time will tell!  He also lowered my Gonal back down to 75 iu.

FRIDAY = I'm thinking about taking Reuben a coffee this morning.  My arm could be compared to that of a heroin addict at this point.  They always prefer my right arm, so… whats another needle poke.  Reuben was inquiring a little more as to why they'd have me come in two days in a row? I let him know they are just closely monitoring me.  He still had no idea we were going through IVF so since we're like BFF's now, I decided to fill him in...  Oh the prices we pay to have kids!  The Doctor's office called today to let me know that Dr. U-doggy wanted me to up Gonal to 150 again tonight and he wanted to see me at 9:00 tomorrow morning.  Hopefully tomorrow will be good news.  As it stands, we're aiming to get the trigger shot tomorrow and have the egg retrieval on Monday.  I'll be missing a field trip with my class on Monday, which I'm bummed about, but my co-workers have been unbelievably supportive, which I'm thankful for.

Long story short, since this process started out last Thursday, tonight will be my 9th injection and I've had my blood drawn 5 times.  Needles still aren't my friends, though I'm finally getting the hang of those dang injections and drawing it all up.  I just close my eyes when I pull the needle out since the pressure has a tendency of spraying up in my eyes.  I'm obviously not doing it 100% correct but all that matters is that I'm doing it.  Ryan's doing an awesome job administering my injections and when you see him next, you might as well refer to him as Dr. Bledsoe! :)

This is from Guatemala, but I might have him dress in scrubs tonight, he's kinda cute! :)

We thank you again for all your prayers, thoughts and support during this time.  We know that God has a plan for our futures bringing a little life (or two) into this world, we're just working on being patient with His time frame.  We feel blessed and look forward to what the future holds.  Please continue praying as we progress through this process.  We appreciate all of them!

Injections… a family affair

I've said that I have a lot of family members that are in the medical profession.  Which I am incredibly thankful for, because I pass out at the sight of blood.  I can't handle the stuff.  So the needle part of this process, is not my favorite. I'm quickly getting used to it, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get to the point of giving an injection to myself.

Last night we had a big 60th birthday party for my dad and most of my family was there.  I took my shot with me and needed someone to help me out. My cousin Jackie was the girl, who is also a nurse.  I have to say, so far the least painful of all! Maybe I'm getting used to them but still, a job well done Jack!  Thanks for supporting and participating in this process.

Out of all the shots I've had so far, my mom gave me one, my sister another, and jackie the 3rd.  It's looking like Ryan is finally going to get a turn tonight.  When I told him Jackie's was the best so far, his response was, "Yeah, well you haven't had mine yet!" I'm still nervous to get his!

Jackie and I at the party!

Cycle Day 3, It All Begins!

Last night and this morning left me an emotional wreck.  I'm not sure that I can blame it entirely on my period, I'm sure it plays a part but I'm not sure it's all to blame.  There are so many emotions and feelings going on in me.  Last night I laid in bed with tears rolling down the sides of my face, not even really knowing exactly why.  Ryan's great at calming me down, but not much could help me last night, I just needed to get it out.  The whole process of IVF is this huge unknown.  I like adventures, but this one is different.  We're paying a lot of money, and we have no idea what the outcome will be.  I have to get shots every night, blood drawn on a regular basis, etc.  I shouldn't be complaining because some people have it a lot worse and this is only temporary, but I was still emotional.  So I laid awake praying, crying, thinking, researching, reading, etc.  I finally fell asleep around 11:30pm which is late for me.  And today I feel like my eyes are puffy bags. You know, sort of like two big airbags have gone off on my face! Not cute!

I took the morning off work to go to my first official IVF Doctor's appointment.  In that time, my beautiful sister, Kristin (who's a nurse) came over and helped me figure out these meds.  There are so many and I'm not a medical person… I'm very thankful to the people that are in the medical field in my family.  She got the syringe ready for my first injection tonight that Ryan was going to give to me.  That was going to be interesting in itself.    Then I raced off to my appointment.

They did an MET (Mock Embryo Transfer) which I guess gives them information to know how far up to stick the embryos when comes time for that.  Then he did an ultrasound to look at my uterus lining and check out my follicles.  I was told that I have 19 follicles on one side and 18 on the other.  Looking good for lots of eggs.  He said the lining looks good and everything looks perfect to start everything.  The one thing we need to pay close attention to is all my follicles.  Seeing as I have the possibility of making a lot of eggs, he wants to make sure it stays in a safe number. This could lead to OHSS (don't ask me what it is because it's confusing, but it's not ideal to have) so Depending on how I progress, will determine the kind of trigger shot he gives me.  If he feels that there are too many follicles, he said that he'll give me Luperon (an alternative trigger shot) in which case we would have to freeze everything and wait to transfer the following month.  While we'd really like to get this party started, I am extremely aware of the dangers and really want to make sure we make all the right choices, so if that's the best thing to do, I'm all for it.  Time will tell!  I can say that I feel a lot better after my appointment today.  I'm back to that excited state. It was also fun to see the ultrasound and start thinking about seeing a baby in there in the coming months.  It's all becoming so real!

I'm well aware this this pic shows virtually

nothing, but it's the beginning of a new home

and new life for our baby/ies.

And as far as my first injection is concerned.  Ryan was supposed to give me the shot and he said to me earlier "Are you nervous to have me give you your shot?"  Yeah, kind of!  He says, "Well, it if makes you feel any better, I'm a little nervous to give it to you!"  Help us!!!   Thankfully, my mom (who used to be a nurse) was able to come by and give it to me.  Ryan was able to watch and see how to do it in the future.  This made me feel so much better (as well as him) and I'm thankful that my mom is able to be part of this process.  Thanks for all your love and support mom!  We couldn't do it without you!!
xoxo

 My sister, mom and I - the best supporters ever!

For now, we continue to pray! Thanks for all your prayers and support as well!

2 years of "trying"...

Given the fact that Ryan has 4 kids, I'd say it's fairly clear that he was married prior to meeting me, and after 4 kids, they were done.  He had had a vasectomy 9 years before I met him.  I do give him a lot of respect and credit for being very honest with me from the get go about this because he wanted to be fair to me, knowing that I'm someone that has always wanted kids and has always looked forward to being pregnant.  Even after knowing all this, I wasn't willing to walk away from something that could potentially be a really good thing, so I decided to just wait and see what would happen. I was proven correct… He's an incredible guy - and all that worked in my favor… in more ways than one!  He was more than willing to have a vasectomy reversal in order to try and fulfill my dreams of becoming pregnant and being a mom.  I might add that he sold his beloved motorcycle in order to pay for a major part of this procedure.  (Double points for this guy! I'm a lucky girl and it was clear from the get go.)  So, in September 2011, the month after we got engaged, Ryan had a reversal.  All went well and we were very hopeful.

Here's a picture on Ryan's bike from a session of engagement

pictures a friend of mine took. 

Since this was before we were married, I wasn't interested in trying for a baby before then, so we waited until we got married to actually start trying.  Neither one of us thought it would be an issue and we figured it would happen without much problem.  Little did we know, the Big Guy upstairs had a different plan than our own.

After a year plus of trying - seeing multiple negative pregnancy tests, tears of sadness and frustrations, special plans that were supposed to help the "sperm meet egg", using Preseed, OPK's, timing everything, acupuncture, cutting out alcohol, cutting coffee, and praying more and more… we still had no luck.

So, we decided it might be time for a sperm analysis as well as testing on me just in case.  All my test came back fine and his analysis came back with a lower than normal count, but we were still given hope that we would be able to conceive naturally. We were told that we'd be good candidates for IUI if we didn't want to wait to out much longer.  We met with a fertility Doctor, but still felt the need to keep trying on our own, hoping for a miracle.  After all, we knew that God had a plan for us and we were hoping conceiving naturally was part of His plan.

 We decided to move forth with IUI in February 2014.  When we did that we found new information from Ryan's semen analysis results.  We were given the news that we were really hoping not to hear… his count had gone down significantly since the year before. It had gone from 22 million to 6.5 million.  We were now considered to be good candidates for IVF.  Without doing further tests on Ryan, the fertility specialist is assuming his Vas Deferens (tube that carries sperm) may be closing off.  (Poor guy's been through too much!)  Together we decided that if IUI didn't bring a miracle, that we wouldn't waste any more time or money on it and that we would go straight to IVF.  I'm sure you can predict what the outcome of IUI was for us.  It wasn't surprising either, unfortunately.

We are now 2 months shy of our 2nd anniversary which means it'll also be the 2 year mark of trying. I am now 30, Ryan is 42 and we are in the very beginning stages of our first (and hopefully only) round of IVF.  My age is working in our favor in regards to IVF.  My cycles are normal, I ovulate regularly and have no known issues.  It seems we are simply dealing with low sperm count.  We've been given good odds of success and we're getting very excited to being one step closer to having a baby or babies together.

Hopefully this is the answer that we've been looking for.  In the meantime, we continue to pray and do our best to leave it in God's hands.

Our Story

Ryan & Lauren

It's hard to believe that we met just over 3 years ago.  If seems like we've known each other and been together forever!  It's hard to even imagine life before Ryan was in it.

Here's a quick run down of how we met… I'll try to keep this short and sweet.  I was in the process of getting my teaching credential and was finishing up my student teaching.  Ryan was a computer tech for the school district.  One day, while teaching in the computer lab, Ryan can in to fix some of the computers.  I was being observed by my supervisor that day, so he has a running joke that I was being observed by more than one person that day! :) Apparently I made a good impression on him because he came with the intention of fixing a few computers and left with the intention of asking me out.  I have to say, though he may have been checking me out, he was certainly a big distraction for this teacher.  Not because he was being loud and distracting my class, but because he was so good looking and I was single and on the prowl!  I remember staying a little longer after class so that I could talk to him.  In the coming days, we would have more encounters, all of which we laugh about because tried to find each other on campus without acting too obvious.  If we only knew what the future had in store for us at that time.

Probably about a week or two after our first encounter, my supervising teacher, Katie, told me that Ryan had asked about me.  Now Katie is young, fun and we have become good friends over the years, but I had never said ANYTHING to her about being interested in him.  The two of them had apparently had a conversation about me though and Ryan became very interested, and Katie quickly became match-maker.  When she told me he had asked about me I was like, "WHAT?! Seriously? What did he say?"  (Hello!  This guy is hot!)  She didn't know much information about him.  Just that he was super nice, he had "some kids" though she wasn't sure how many and she thought he was late 30's possibly 40.   Ok, let me clarify… I was 27 at the time and 40 was going to be WAY to old! And kids… I had dated a guy with a kid and that was a train wreck so I wasn't too interested in someone with kids either.  However, Ryan had "IT"!  By "it" I mean, he was easy on the eyes, had a bit of a bad boy look (that's always been my weakness), a great personality, and everyone at work had nothing but positive things to say about him.  In fact, I remember our principal telling the staff to vote for him for employee of the year because he had been so amazing helping us out.  (Which he was awarded the following month and I got to be a part of that.) Long story short, he's a good guy… cute god guy! So I told Katie to give him my number.  Before long, he had sent her his number to give to me and said he'd call me on Sunday. Jokingly I said, "Sunday? what's that, the day his kids go to their moms?" BINGO!  Well it was Thursday and Sunday was a LONG ways away, so this girl had to make the first move.  We had a little conversation via text messaging Friday night, but he's such a good dad that he wanted to spend time with his kids, so I waited (not so patiently) until Sunday.  He finally called and we talked for over an hour and set up a date for that upcoming Tuesday. We consider that date (our first date) as our anniversary since we were pretty inseparable from that point on. April 12, 2011 was a good day!  Oh and P.S. I found out he has 4 kids.  Talk about an overachiever! :)

This was one of our first dates!

To continue my not so short story, we were practically living together within a month...

engaged by August... 

and married the following June. 

I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I have been to find such an amazing man!  

One that has invited me into his family, that has taught me how to love, live and appreciate life. 

Ryan is the perfect balance for me.  He calms me, appreciates me, and respects me.  

I couldn't ask for a better partner in life and there's 

no one that I'd rather share every day of my life with!  

I love you Ryan and I love our crazy beautiful family! 

Now married for almost 2 years…

 and learning how to become a stepmom to 4 wonderful kids, we are on to our next chapter in life.